10 reasons why Australia WILL or WON’T rule the world in the near future….
After spending some time in the land Down Under, hanging out with the blokes and the shielas, the kangaroos and the koalas, I’ve found 10 reasons why Australians will, or won’t, rule the world in the very near future…
Why Australians WON’T rule the world in the near future…
10. It takes Australians decades to apologize.
- (And I thought my ex-girlfriend was bad…)
9. They drive on the wrong side of the road.
- (Driver’s seat on the right side of the car… while driving on the left side of the road… I almost had head on collisions multiple times…)
8. The rest of the world thinks that Fosters is “Australian for beer!”
7. Their most famous singer is Kylie Minogue.
- (Ummm… yeah…)
6. Historic landmark “The 12 Apostles” only has 11 Apostles left…
- (Next thing you know, the Sydney Opera House will be gone too, then the Great Wall of China… that’s in Australia right?)
5. There is no good Mexican food!
- (It’s like hell… only worse)
4. EVERYTHING closes at 5pm.
- (I just wanted to check out the mall after work…. Is that too much to ask for!?!??! You monsters!!!!)
3. Their leaders, The Crocodile Hunter and Heath Ledger have passed away.
- (The world mourns your loss, why couldn’t the gods have taken Kylie instead?!?!?!)
2. Mardi Gras in Australia is actually a gay parade where men dress as women.
- (What happened to good ol’ beads and titties? The horror!)
1. You can’t understand what the hell they’re talking about.
- (I reckon that the mates downunder are fair dinkum though some of em blokes still have kangaroos loose in the top paddock…. )
Why Australians WILL rule the world in the near future…
10. Australians have an army of Rugby players who are pretty much like WWE wrestlers who aren’t faking it when they tackle you, and are like NFL players without the pads. They could probably kill you by slapping you with their pinky…
- (Saw a Rugby game and dude, those guys are GIGANTOUS!)
9. Passing cars warn you by flashing their brights on if they saw cops.
- (Now that’s brotherhood!)
8. Australians can tolerate the ancient form of torture used in World War I, Vegemite!
- (I know Navy Seals that could not tolerate this kind of torture…)
7. Hot girls with hot accents.
- (I could not ask for more.)
6. They supposedly wear thongs on their feet too.
- (I love thongs… so still waiting to see a sexy Australian girl in feet thongs…)
5. Potato Wedges with Sour Cream and Sweet Chilli Saouce!!!
- (Mmmmmmmmmm best invention ever!!!)
4. Coopers Beer, brewed in the bottle!
- (Every other beer in the world has a “Best Before” date… well Coopers has a “Best AFTER” date to let you know when the beer is brewed. Tastes like heaven in a bottle!)
3. Everything is tax inclusive, and they don’t use pennies.
- (A $3 burger at McDees is exactly that… $3!!! Not $3.59 after adding tax…)
2. No need to tip!!!
- (F-ing AMAZING!!! I don’t have to tip 15% for bad service!!! No tips at restaurants, for valets, not even for the strip clubs!!!…. well…. so I heard….)
1. Lindt Chocolate Café
- (OK so it’s Swiss chocolate, but I heard the first café opened in Australia… and OMG, the Hot Chocolate is breathtaking!! It was like magic melting in my mouth… my friend Gloria get’s that a lot, but I’m sure this one is much much tastier… *wink* YOU NEED TO COME TO AUSTRALIA AND TRY A CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE AT THE LINDT CHOCOLATE CAFÉ BEFORE YOU DIE!!!)