Crazy Night with T-McGee & Friends

Conversation with my date for tonight:

The Vince – “I stay with my siblings”

T-McGee – “OMG you have kids?”

The Vince – “ … ”  This is not going to go well….


It’s 5:27am…. I just got home… and here’s what happened….

“Vince! Where are you?” said T-McGee

“On my way hommie, how do I find you? I’ve never been to that area.”

“Just look for the mall, we’re right there by the bars on Brickroad.” Stated T-McGee

So as I drive my crazy self out to find this mall, let me quickly introduce you to the characters of this story.

“T-McGee” is this cute chick I met recently. She again showed me that the girls I’ve dated recently are only blessed with one of the three B’s – Brains, Boobs or Booty. I swear my biggest turn-on is a woman with Brains, I love a girl who has the smarts to have an intellectual conversation, but I somehow keep ending up with Boobs… I don’t know why I’m complaining…

“Needy Bear” is this little 5 foot nothing girl who’s got some issues on the needy department. It seemed that the less attention I gave her, the more she wanted it.

“Flirty Hottie” is this hot chick who was wearing these booty shorts to die for. I swear she was pretty much seducing the whole bar we were at. Oh and she brought her boyfriend with her too. 

“Slow” is “Flirty Hottie’s” boyfriend… he’s kinda… well…. you’ll see… 

And of course… “The Vince” – the idiotic, naïve and optimistic adventurer who always seems to find himself in crazy situations.

Anyway, back to the story. 


Needy Bear – “ I CAN’T HEAR YOU… HELLO…” 

I tried calling these girls about 10 times and every time, there seemed to be a problem with our connection. So finally I try calling my sister to test out my phone. 

The Vince – “Sis! Can you hear me? I’m wondering if my phone is broken or something, my friends can’t hear me…”

My sister – “Yup, hear you ok, it’s probably their phone.”

So I call the girls again and just proceed to shout our entire conversation.




Needy Bear –  “WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU…”

So this goes on for over ten minutes until she finally put the pieces together and gives me the proper directions to the bar they are at. The first thing I notice when I get to the bar is that the music was BLASTING. 

The Vince – “So, did you guys go out of the bar when I was trying to talk with you on the phone?”

Needy Bear – “Oh no…. I didn’t think about that… that’s why I couldn’t hear you…sorry”

The Vince – “ … ” 

Either way, we move on from this as the beer starts flowing. I immediately notice Flirty Hottie’s tiny booty shorts and how she’s pretty much flailing her legs all over the place. Her boyfriend Slow leaves to go to the bathroom and the girls start their girly talk. 

T-McGee – “So how long have you been together?”

Flirty Hottie – “Six months now! Can you believe it?!”

Needy Bear – “Vince let’s take a picture.”

T-McGee – “Actually, no, I can’t”

Flirty Hottie – “I know! I swear six months ago I was hooking up with everyone!”

T-McGee – “I know!”

Flirty Hottie – (looks at me) “I mean EVERYONE!”

The Vince – “OK, good to know… you should’ve called me to get on that train.”

Flirty Hottie – “I didn’t know you yet.”

The Vince – “Well think of me next time you plan on painting the town ‘orgasm’.”

Needy Bear – “Vince, do you think I’m cute?”

The Vince – “What?”

Flirty Hottie – “So anyway yeah I don’t know, Slow is the jealous type so don’t know how we’re going to last.”

T-McGee – “Well my boyfriend isn’t bad” (as she wraps her arms around me)

Flirty Hottie – “Oh you guys are together?”

The Vince – “Oh yeah totally, we’ve been together for 4 months now… but I just met her last week…”

Flirty Hottie – “Hahaha, it’s destiny.”

Needy Bear – “Hey how about me? You know you can talk to me too?” 

The night goes on, the drinks keep coming. I of course am a lightweight and am driving, so don’t drink as much as everyone else. For some reason, and I swear I have no clue what it is, T-McGee and Needy Bear go on this all out competition for my attention. For some reason, either they like idiotic geeks or their “horny as hell and will fuck anything that moves” hormone was kicking, they wanted me. 

Needy Bear – “So Vince, who do you think is the prettiest girl here?”

The Vince – “Ummm… you’re all pretty…”

T-McGee – “Oh come on you have to pick one.”

Needy Bear – “Hey let’s take a picture”

T-McGee – “Wait wait! Take one with me too!!!” 

Needy Bear – “OK Vince, now look at the pictures and see who looks better next to you.”

The Vince – “Ummm… you both look nice next to me…”

Needy Bear – “No, I think I look better.”

This conversation goes on for about 20 minutes so I decide to say something that’ll make them shut up and get off the topic.

The Vince – “Why don’t you girls start posing with sexy shots for the camera so I can pick.”

That’s sure to shut them up! I was expecting some sort of “Ewwww….” or “I’m not gonna do that here!” or even a “You’re such a pervert! Anyway let’s talk about the stock market now!” But no…. they actually liked my suggestion!

Next thing I know, the girls are pulling down their shirts and showing as much cleavage as they can for the camera. Flirty Hottie is taking the pics, starting with Needy Bear, and instructs her to bend over more, show more skin and pull her shirt down more. Then, Flirty Hottie says: “It’s time for T-McGee, you know Needy Bear, you’re gonna loose if she takes her shirt off…” And that she did….

Then lo and behold, the beauty of T-McGee’s T’s… I thought black was supposed to make people look slimmer? Well her black bra didn’t do anything to make her T’s look smaller… I just sat and admired them for a minute as Flirty Hottie blasted away on the pics. 

The same conversation went on with them asking me who I like better and me hesitant to answer this “trick question.” (I say trick question because it’s one of those questions girls ask that you can’t answer correctly… like other popular trick questions you may have heard such as “Do you think I’m fat?” or  “Does my ass look big?”) 

Finally, kinda buzzed, I get up to use the bathroom. On my way there, around the corner of the bar, I run into T-McGee who was getting more drinks. I thought I would just pass by her quietly as I go answer the call of nature… but no… she had other plans… She sees me and grabs me, pulls me aside and starts making out with me. Again, I can’t complain. I try to tell her that that this is definitely giving her more points for that whole “Who do I like better” question, but can’t seem to talk with her tongue down my throat the whole time. 

I finally pull her off as nature was calling like a scorned woman with my number on speed dial. I get to the bathroom and realize another thing I hate more than Needy Girls… trying to piss with a hard-on. 

I come back to the table and they decide to go somewhere else. I haven’t been in the Philippines that long and I’ve never been to this area, so tell them that I have no clue where to go. 

Slow – “It’s cool dude, I got this.”

And off we went to somewhere else where the girls could dance.

Before we even get to the car, T-McGee grabs my arm as we walk, until of course Needy Bear starts complaining and shoves T-McGee out of the way so she could walk next to me. When we get to the car, the two girls start debating on who gets to sit up front.

Needy Bear – “Vince, can I sit upfront? I look better next to you anyway.”

The Vince – “Ummm…”

T-McGee – “Too late! I’m already here!”

Needy Bear – “Well I’m sitting behind Vince!” 

So Needy Bear then hops on the seat behind mine and starts hugging me from behind and massaging my shoulders. 

The Vince – “So where do I go? Left or right?”

Slow – “Just go dude.”

The Vince – “Ummm I can only go left or right.”

Slow – “Well just go, til the road ends.”

The Vince – “It did end! Now I need to go LEFT or RIGHT…”

Slow – “Just go”

The Vince – “Ohhhh boy…”

Let me spare you the suspense –  we got lost! Funny thing is that we stopped at every gas station (about five of them) we saw to ask for directions. Every time, Slow would get out of the car and start talking to the gas station attendants, he would spend over 10 minutes talking with each of these guys. Not really sure why it took so long every time, but it did. Then he comes back to the car and gives me jacked up directions every time! So we ended up getting more lost.

At one of the gas stations, as Slow is outside asking for directions, Flirty Hottie started teasing T-McGee asking why she was holding my hand the whole time. T-McGee mentions that my hands are really soft, which of course makes Flirty Hottie want to try them out herself. She then proceeds to rub my hands on her legs… I, of course, just sit there and let the girls do what they want… 

Flirty Hottie – “Oh wow, they are really soft…” 

The Vince – “ … ” 

Flirty Hottie – “Do you know I used to be a model?” 

The Vince – “I can feel… I mean TELL…  Yes, I can tell.” 

An hour later, we finally get to the other bar. Nothing special really here, Needy Bear continued to be needy, Flirty Hottie continued to be flirty and T-McGee continued to pull me off to corners and make out with me. I’m honestly not sure why we even left the other bar in the first place. 

At around 4:00am, we finally decide to call it a day. 

Again, Slow is giving me jacked up directions as I head out to take them home. I was used to this by now, but of course, the element of surprise always has a way of… well… surprising me! Next thing I know, I see Flirty Hottie, who is sitting in the backseat between Needy Bear and Slow, jump over Slow towards the door… SHE WAS ABOUT TO PUKE IN MY CAR! 


Slow – “Huh…”



I end up dropping off Slow and Flirty Hottie right away, as to avoid any other incidences. Needy Bear who is also drunk out of her mind decides to lay down in the backseat despite the puke. I end up taking them home as well afterwards. 

As I try to drop them off, Needy Bear won’t seem to wake up despite our best efforts. So T-McGee thought it would be a great time to make out with me a bit more. I finally tell her I’m tired and really want to go home. So we both shake the living crap out of Needy Bear who is still hesitant to move. I thought she was dead for a second there. 

The night ends with me arriving home at 5:27am. Lipstick smeared over my lips, veins pumped full of beer and my car covered in vomit that seemed to comprise of rice, eggs, onions and some type of fish, I think. 

Well, that’s it for me. No partying for a while now. I really need to take a break from all this craziness! Besides, I’ve got to start working on… oh… hold on… just got a text…

“Playboy Philippines is throwing a party for Juicy! Dubbed ‘Celebrity and Media Night’ to celebrate their 4th season on TV. Vince, you’re on the VIP list, can you make it?” 

The Vince – “OH IT’S ON!!!!” 

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