damn monkeys

Two weeks ago, a superior officer to myself assigned me the task of “Operation Homework.” It is a vital piece of the main mission objective for “Operation Graduation.” I was given this task at exactly 1600 Pacific Time two weeks ago from today and its completion is expected by tomorrow. Two minutes ago, I started my task.

Whether it’s talking like I’m in the military or hitting the “refresh” button on my Facebook page 10 times per second, there’s always something that distracts me from what I really need to be doing. I should be doing homework, but instead, I’m watching videos of babies giving the evil eye or looking for anime porn (the artistry of this truly astonishes me). Finally, when it’s time for me to actually check my Facebook account and leave funny messages to keep in touch with old friends, I get distracted from that too and end up folding my socks! I swear, whatever it is I absolutely need to be doing, it’s not getting done!

I blame the monkeys for this! The damn monkeys in my closet that taunt me and haunt my dreams. The damn monkeys that call me at three in the morning asking if I know of any cool after parties. The damn monkeys that draw my eyes to different places when I should actually be focused on my freaking homework! The damn monkeys that…. Oh…. hey…. someone just wrote on my wall….. haha, it was Michelle… I miss you too sweety… oh but anyway…. where was I, oh yeah, them damn monkeys!

I’ve come to the conclusion that if I want something done, it has to be of the lowest priority. If I don’t need to do it, well then by-golly, it will get done!

So really professors, you need to stop assigning me homework… maybe taking a different route would suffice better. Maybe try SUGGESTING homework, like one of those: “What do you want to eat? – I don’t know, whatever” types of homework where you go: “What do you want to do for your first IDS180 suggestive homework? – I don’t know, whatever.”

Haha, sorry, just got back. I went skateboarding around the block while contemplating the meaning of life. I’ve realized that life really isn’t that complicated. I think I can absolutely define life and its purpose now in one simple sentence….. Life is really just…. Oh hey!….. someone commented on my picture…… hahahaha oh Chris, you tall funny monkey you…… no I wasn’t that drunk……

So where was I, oh yes, the monkeys, the evil-doers that prevent me from completing my tasks. Every time I seem to get going with my chores, I get a tap from the angel monkey on my right shoulder, asking me to go look up some funny Jesus jokes, followed by a tap by the devil monkey on my left shoulder, asking me to look up some dirty Jesus jokes. You just can’t win.

So now, I’ve decided to take control of myself! I am strong! I am independent! I am going to get a quick snack and then go to the gym. Let me just grab a banana then….. wait….. where did my bananas go?!?!!? Mother@#*$^%#$!!!! Someone took my last banana!!!……………… damn monkeys.

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