Sharing a James Blunt Moment

So there I was, at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport in the Philippines ready to board my flight to Australia. I was eager and excited to see some kangaroos and koalas! Well, actually, that’s an understatement… I was ECSTATIC, THRILLED, EUPHORIC, RAPTUROUS and even SUPERCALIFRAGELISTICEXPEALIDOCIOUSED!

Unfortunately, the lady at the front counter did not share my enthusiasm…

This land-stewardess-clerk-person-thingy, or whatever you call them, was clearly having a bad day. All she had to do was take my passport, check-in my bags and print out my ticket. But nooooooo, she wanted to be Mrs. Frowny Face with me.


Well, I couldn’t blame her, there seemed to be a problem with me and the Australian CIA. See I flew into Australia once before, but took a boat when I departed. Apparently, this procedure messed up the system and according to the computers, I was technically “still in Australia,” so she couldn’t really let me on the plane. Her mundane task quickly turned complicated.

On the other hand, she seemed especially grumpy even before our problems arose. I tried to empathize with her, I imagined myself in her shoes and started to look down my own shirt… but then I snapped out of it and tried even harder to really empathize with her.

I thought about what kind of a day she may be having. Perhaps her dog died, or her grandma just got rushed to the hospital. Maybe her boss was being a prick all day long or that her car just blew a tire on her. Possibly it was that time of the month when all women are rendered “dangerous,” “incapable of rational thoughts,” or “bleeding and miserable so will make sure to make you bleed and miserable as well.” Either way, (like all other men have tried and failed horribly) I did my best to understand her.

Then it hit me! I should try and cheer her up! Well, I was bored out of my mind as well anyway. I’ve been standing there while she tried to figure things out for about 30 minutes now.

With no hesitation or any thought whatsoever, I look her straight in the eye and go….

“So what’s the real problem anyway? Is it because I’m bringing these GUNS!!! (as I flex my manly biceps)”

The split-second after I say those words, I get lost in her eyes. It was as if I could see her very soul, like I could read her very thoughts, if only for a moment…. Here’s what I believe she was thinking…

“YOU ARE SEVERLY RETARDED AND SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BOARD THIS FLIGHT, OR TO LIVE FOR THAT MATTER YOU FUCKING SHIT-FOR-BRAINS IDIOT!”

“IF I HAD A BASEBALL BAT, I WOULD BEAT YOU SENSELESS RIGHT NOW FUCKTARD!”

“I SHOULD HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR SAYING GUN IN THE AIRPORT YOU PEA-BRAINED, HALF-WIT, DUMBFUCK IMBECILE!”

“I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME SO BAD RIGHT NOW…”

But my beautiful, gentle, sweet land-stewardess-clerk-person-thingy, or whatever you call them said neither. She just looked at me for a second and went on with her work.

We shared a moment, and no one can ever take that away from us…

gunshow
Share
4 Responses to “Sharing a James Blunt Moment”
  1. RAGSdale 18 November 2008 at 10:21 pm #

    Dude, your blog keeps getting better and better. I have to seriously keep myself from laughing out loud when I read these witty little thoughts of yours in class. I wish I could have seen you use the gun show line in person… just to see the look of epic fail she probably wanted to show you =)

  2. Christina Tyndall 23 November 2008 at 7:47 pm #

    I love it Vince! You are so clever in your story telling techniques! I wish I could have had a ticket to the gun show!!!

  3. Ace 16 February 2009 at 8:44 pm #

    That was…way to hilarious.

  4. Jason 31 March 2009 at 7:05 am #

    Dude, we gotta show this one to Harold. I can just imagine this working even with just a voiceover.

Leave a Reply

<ul><li><strong>woothemes_settings</strong> - a:0:{}</li><li><strong>woo_about</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_aboutlink</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_about_bio</strong> - Just Monkeying Around</li><li><strong>woo_about_gravatar</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_about_readmore</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_ads</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_ads_rotate</strong> - true</li><li><strong>woo_ad_block_adsense</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_ad_block_image</strong> - http://www.woothemes.com/ads/woothemes-300x250-1.gif</li><li><strong>woo_ad_block_url</strong> - http://www.woothemes.com</li><li><strong>woo_ad_content_adsense</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_ad_content_disable</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_ad_content_image</strong> - http://www.woothemes.com/ads/woothemes-468x60-2.gif</li><li><strong>woo_ad_content_url</strong> - http://www.woothemes.com</li><li><strong>woo_ad_header_adsense</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_ad_header_image</strong> - http://www.woothemes.com/ads/woothemes-468x60-2.gif</li><li><strong>woo_ad_header_url</strong> - http://www.woothemes.com</li><li><strong>woo_ad_image_1</strong> - http://www.vincegolangco.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/WhenInManila.com_logo_When_In_Manila.jpg</li><li><strong>woo_ad_image_2</strong> - http://www.vincegolangco.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/FlairCandy-ad-spot.jpg</li><li><strong>woo_ad_image_3</strong> - http://www.vincegolangco.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/your_ad_here_125x125.jpg</li><li><strong>woo_ad_image_4</strong> - http://www.vincegolangco.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/YourAdHere1.png</li><li><strong>woo_ad_page</strong> - Select a page:</li><li><strong>woo_ad_url_1</strong> - http://www.wheninmanila.com</li><li><strong>woo_ad_url_2</strong> - http://tektok.podomatic.com/</li><li><strong>woo_ad_url_3</strong> - http://www.vincegolangco.com/contact/</li><li><strong>woo_ad_url_4</strong> - http://www.vincegolangco.com/contact/</li><li><strong>woo_alt_colours</strong> - blue.css</li><li><strong>woo_alt_stylesheet</strong> - default.css</li><li><strong>woo_archives</strong> - Select a page:</li><li><strong>woo_asides_category</strong> - Featured</li><li><strong>woo_asides_entries</strong> - 3</li><li><strong>woo_auto_img</strong> - true</li><li><strong>woo_blog_subnavigation</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_10</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_14</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_17</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_18</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_243</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_3</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_4</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_45</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_572</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_7</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_8</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_cat_nav_814</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_content_archives</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_custom_css</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_custom_favicon</strong> - http://www.motivatedmonkey.com/wp-content/woo_uploads/3-favicon.ico</li><li><strong>woo_delicious</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_digg</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_exclude_pages_footer</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_exclude_pages_main</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_facebook</strong> - http://Facebook.com/WhenInManila</li><li><strong>woo_featured_category</strong> - Select a category:</li><li><strong>woo_featured_layout</strong> - large_no_ad.php</li><li><strong>woo_feat_alt_height</strong> - 100</li><li><strong>woo_feat_alt_width</strong> - 150</li><li><strong>woo_feedburner_id</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_feedburner_url</strong> - http://feeds.feedburner.com/MotivatedMonkey</li><li><strong>woo_flickr</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_flickr_entries</strong> - Select a number:</li><li><strong>woo_flickr_id</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_flickr_url</strong> - Flickr URL</li><li><strong>woo_google_analytics</strong> - <script type=\"text/javascript\">
var gaJsHost = ((\"https:\" == document.location.protocol) ? \"https://ssl.\" : \"http://www.\");
document.write(unescape(\"%3Cscript src=\'\" + gaJsHost + \"google-analytics.com/ga.js\' type=\'text/javascript\'%3E%3C/script%3E\"));
</script>
<script type=\"text/javascript\">
try {
var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker(\"UA-9307056-1\");
pageTracker._trackPageview();
} catch(err) {}</script></li><li><strong>woo_gravatar</strong> - true</li><li><strong>woo_header_layout</strong> - ad468x60.php</li><li><strong>woo_image_height</strong> - 225</li><li><strong>woo_image_single</strong> - false</li><li><strong>woo_image_width</strong> - 400</li><li><strong>woo_lastfm</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_layout</strong> - header-alt.php</li><li><strong>woo_linkedin</strong> - http://Linkedin.com/VinceGolangco</li><li><strong>woo_logo</strong> - http://www.motivatedmonkey.com/wp-content/woo_uploads/4-Motivated_Monkey_transparrent.png</li><li><strong>woo_manual</strong> - http://www.woothemes.com/support/theme-documentation/bloggingstream/</li><li><strong>woo_other_entries</strong> - 6</li><li><strong>woo_related</strong> - true</li><li><strong>woo_resize</strong> - true</li><li><strong>woo_shortname</strong> - woo</li><li><strong>woo_show_video</strong> - true</li><li><strong>woo_side_image</strong> - /styles/clean-light/images/ad-120x240.jpg</li><li><strong>woo_side_url</strong> - http://www.woothemes.com</li><li><strong>woo_single_height</strong> - 120</li><li><strong>woo_single_width</strong> - 180</li><li><strong>woo_stumble</strong> - </li><li><strong>woo_themename</strong> - Bloggingstream</li><li><strong>woo_thumb_height</strong> - 88</li><li><strong>woo_thumb_width</strong> - 88</li><li><strong>woo_twitter</strong> - VinceGolangco</li><li><strong>woo_uploads</strong> - a:2:{i:0;s:89:"http://www.motivatedmonkey.com/wp-content/woo_uploads/4-Motivated_Monkey_transparrent.png";i:1;s:67:"http://www.motivatedmonkey.com/wp-content/woo_uploads/3-favicon.ico";}</li><li><strong>woo_video_category</strong> - Select a category:</li><li><strong>woo_youtube</strong> - http://YouTube.com/WhenInManila1</li></ul>