Technology moves at the speed of sound. You hear something cool and new, then next thing you know, you’re on the bandwagon spreading the word about this new widget as well.

It’s all fun and games, but did you ever stop to think that there are those, “slower” people, like me, who need time to catch up? Of course, instead of referring to myself and others like me as “slow,” I’m going to use the more PR term and just call ourselves: Retards – the term more widely used by our generation.

I swear, my whole life has been about catching up with the “IN” crowd. I still had my Hotmail email account up until last year. Now, after switching to Gmail, I can’t seem to take anyone with a Hotmail account seriously. “Retards!” I think to myself when someone emails me from a account.

Take another hip trend, Facebook. I only discovered this precious networking gem years after their precious founder, Mark E. Zuckerberg, made billions and started sucking on fake tits of the hottest porn stars in the world. Ladies and gentlemen, Mark E. Zuckerberg is an example of someone who starts the trends for tomorrow. He is clearly NOT a Retard… he just looks like one.

Furthermore, take this new (well, Retard new) trend called Twitter. Apparently, people have been making big bucks for their businesses thanks to this twitting thing. At first, I thought it was just a new name for titties and immediately understood the ability for this to generate large sums of cash. But after finding out that Twitter is simply a “What are you doing now?” box…. I, like the millions of Retards out there, had to ask: “What the fuck is the point of that?”

But alas, on a lonely day last week (March 2009), I signed up as MotivatedMonkey and I too joined the ranks of the Twittards. I’m slowly leading a brave pack of 14 twittarded adventurers who have “followed” me (for whatever retarded reason they decided to do this). We’re off to new adventures in lands far and wide.

Thinking back, I should’ve known I was destined for Retardation from the moment I lost my virginity. I was REALLY late for that one. I was ALREADY 16 when I first did it. The new trendsetters today are the 13-year-old kids who have kids of their own! More power to you Alfie! You attained tits and ass, Twitter and Facebook long before your time.

Let’s hope your kid doesn’t grow up to be a Retard like the rest of us…

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